An excerpt from my upcoming book that has been 6 years in the making. Happy Valentine’s Day! Enjoy.
February 7, 2012
I miss you, and you need to know this is the hardest thing that I've ever had to do. But you have your sketchbook and I have my phone. We all have our outlets. I'm blocked. I want to be able to unleash all of this energy that I have buried inside of my soul. I want to show you how I felt about you. I want you to know that I would've done anything for you, and for you to just stop caring because you think we're young, or some other barbaric reason is completely ludicrous. You were everything I ever wanted, and I even loved the imperfections that made you so perfect in my eyes. You were the only thing I needed and now I'm left with an emptiness. An emptiness that consumes every pore of my body. A yearning, a longing for the high. The high I had around you. The feeling of elation rippling across my skin at just the slightest touch. And you may not be the best, or the smartest, or the cutest, but you were mine, and that's all that mattered. The insane amount of happiness that shook me to my core every time I saw your name illuminate the background of my phone. It's irreplaceable, and so were you, but this hole needs to be filled somehow and I really don't know what or who is ever going to fill it. I don't want to destroy myself in the process of trying to find it. So now I just remain in pieces. The more I try to build myself up, the bigger I notice the hole is. The hole left in my heart. The piece that will forever remain in your hands. Your wide hands that always fit so perfectly in between my tiny ones. I sit here thinking if there's a part of you, even remote, that feels the same way. That a piece of you is missing. That something just isn't right. Something isn't whole. Fate brought us together the first time around and if it's right the magic will happen again. Until then, take care of the piece that you have of mine. Even if you tried to give it back I couldn't accept it. It's that piece of me that became yours the first moment I laid eyes on your shaggy little head. As many times as I try and say goodbye, the reality of it is that I really miss you, and I don't want to let you go because I still hope. I'm still hoping as pathetic as it sounds. I mean I know you hate Drizzy, but he couldn't have said it better with "the first love is the sweetest, but the first cut is the deepest." I suppose we live and we learn and and this is all a process of life, but before God put me to the test, he should've made sure I was up for it. I can make it through, but it'll be forever until I get back to the person I was. Especially the person I was with you.